i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
