i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
