I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
