Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
