my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
