Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
