I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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