If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
