For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
