so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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