Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
