I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
