I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
