Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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