my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
