There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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