All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
