but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
