Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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