If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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