there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
