I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
