This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
