The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
