We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
