my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
