All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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