Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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