I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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