You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
