I cut my penus on the lid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
