I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
