Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
