we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize