Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
