yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
