Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
