my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
