My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
