She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
