Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
