listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
