theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
please don't ironically join a cult
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