My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
