Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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