Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
