Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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