i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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