Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
