you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
