her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
