fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
