We won't sleep together?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
