So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
