So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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