go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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