i'm lost and i look like a hooker
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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