What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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