I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
