You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
