he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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